Walking With God
You ever realize that God put you EXACTLY where you needed to be for something VERY SPECIFIC?
In my post “But God…,” I told you how in June of 2022, I found out I had a brain tumor and had to have brain surgery to remove it. If you didn’t get a chance to check it out, feel free to jump over there and come back. But I ended with this sentiment: to know that something should have taken me out, BUT GOD has chosen and will continue to use for HIS GLORY.
I don’t claim to know a whole lot about what God is doing. Maybe you can resonant with me, I feel like I spend more time questioning and being angry with God than not. God did an amazing thing moving us out to New Mexico. There I got to learn to lead in a healthy church environment. Was able to grow a ministry and a team. Was able to learn a whole lot during the pandemic, about people, and about things such as audio and video. Then God called us back to Ohio. It hurt. It hurt leaving behind a place that I love. People that I loved. A church that I wanted to stay at forever. But we knew God was calling us back. We just didn’t know why, which made the decision all the more painful.
I remember calling my dad to tell him I was at the hospital, and that they found a brain tumor. I was fully expecting some sort of joke, because that’s what we do. But he responded with this, and it was so profound that it carried me and gave me clarity, even when I was still facing a surgery and whether or not the tumor was cancer. He said “this is why God told you to move back to Ohio.”
For several months I wrestled with the pain and the messiness of not understanding what God was doing. Why would He, when I finally found a place I loved, ask me to uproot my family…again. When they found the tumor, God revealed to me (through my dad) exactly why. I needed to be here in Ohio, specifically in Cleveland with those amazing neurosurgeons. I also wrestled with knowing fully if I was walking in step with God. Why would God ask me to leave a place I loved, a place where I was growing, and felt secure.
What I learned through this, and perhaps this will be something you can take away as well, is this. We can know we are walking in step with God if what He calling us to can only happen through His strength. If everything we do is on our strength alone, we probably aren’t listening too well. Just look at all the stories of the giants of the faith in the Bible. Anything God called them to was completely out of their own ability and strength. Moses weaknesses (or perceived weaknesses) were a mile long. He felt not good enough, dumb, slow of speech, no one would actually listen to him, and unqualified. I can certainly relate to every single one of those, maybe you can also. Though perhaps he was right, at least on his strength alone. None-the-less God was calling him to a task outside of his own strength, and that through His strength, Moses would succeed. Imagine if Moses chose the comfortable route, the comfy life, the easy path.
We can know we are walking with God if what He’s calling us to can only happen through His strength, and also if we have no idea what will happen. If we can see an easy outcome, again we probably aren’t listening well. We have a long history of not listening too well, right?! I mean the whole Bible is stories of us not listening too well, and God loving us much more than we deserve anyways. You think Moses knew the outcome? You think Joshua knew the outcome? You think Abraham, as he bound his son Isaac and placed him on the altar, knew the outcome? You think Gideon knew the outcome? What God was calling them to was so far beyond their wildest dreams, ability, or intellect. In fact I cannot recall any stories in the Bible where God called anyone to something comfortable or easy.
It has brought me peace knowing that we were indeed walking in step with where God was leading. That He did in fact call us back here for a specific reason, and that He still calls us here for many other reasons. God gave me healing from the brain surgery. He made the tumor benign, oh yeah I’m giving that one fully over to Him. He opened up an incredible opportunity for me here at First Christian (literally at the last moment, in a way only He could do). An opportunity that allows me to build, create, pastor, and lead. And one that I get to be led by, prayed over, and encouraged by a collective of incredible people. Some organizationally above me, some not. God has given us people and relationships that we never would have had, people that have taken care of, have cried with us, and have loved us so intensely. These things don’t happen if I didn’t listen or wasn’t willing to listen to His calling.
What scary thing is God calling you to? Are you going to listen? If you aren’t how will you ever be exactly where God needs you for that specific reason?
