What God Has Shown Me
This season has been the hardest to understand. I knew God called us back here. It was clear that God said go back to Canton. So, we did. We sold the only house we’ve ever owned. Which that felt like giving up a dream I’ll never get back. To own my own home has been a lifelong dream that always seemed out of reach. I resigned from an incredible ministry. A dream ministry. The first ministry that was healthy, growing, and I felt was making a difference for the Kingdom. We had to leave people we had just started really loving, and honestly, they felt more like family. The family we had longed for our entire lives. All these people we still stay connected with, long distance style.
I wasn’t quite sure WHY God told us to give all this up. I just knew that He was calling us to. He provided a home and a couple jobs for us only after we got to Canton. And they only came by His hands. Then God showed me the first reason why He moved us back here. The first reason was my brain tumor. He needed me to be near Cleveland, where some of the best neurologists in the country are, so they could operate and give me the best care possible. And, the community that came along during that season, God put these people in our lives to be the exact people we needed during that season. You know, I can look back on my life, and see all the people God put in my life exactly when I needed them. Sometimes, He puts people in our lives just for a moment. To guide and lead us through a specific season. And some He puts in our lives for a long time. There are people here, in Canton, that I know God put in my life to strengthen and encourage me in this season. I know there are people He put in my life here, that I will carry and love for the rest of my life. Ain’t God good? He knows what He is doing. Even when I’m so clueless.
The second reason, I’m not ready to get into just yet. But I will quote my friend Pastor Phillip Cole (#finsup) and leave it at this: "Do you ever notice that sometimes the junk that you go through when God intervenes and He moves in and you find hope and healing, was actually used so you can go back around and help other people in that same junk. That once you had a problem, God's like it's not a problem it’s the platform, watch what I'm about to do, and now you can go back around be like ‘hey I know I know it looks like a problem but it's a platform’ and you can help other people Journey towards the Lord.
"The pursuit of excellence is like chasing after a unicorn."
God recently revealed to me another reason why He called us here to Canton. Why He asked me to give up several dreams…my home, ministry, and friends in New Mexico. It’s never easy to give up a dream, but I think when God calls us to give up a dream, it’s because He has something so much better for us. But we don’t see it right away. We only see the death of the dream. One of the things you must know about me, if you don’t already, is that I don’t stop. Like ever. I tend to always operate in overdrive. In fact, I’ll never forget what my Lead Pastor in New Mexico (Brandon) told me, after a panic attack put me in the hospital. He pulled me aside and said “Tim, drive is good. Overdrive, is bad.” I heard him, but I didn’t hear him. I kept pushing. I keep pushing in my area of ministry, and tried pushing in areas that weren’t mine to push in. Because it was never enough. I have my vision of how things should operate in a church. Which isn’t a bad thing, unless you go about it the wrong way, which I did.
That is what God revealed to me. He finally allowed me to hear the words Brandon had spoken to me a few years earlier. “Drive is good, overdrive is bad.” We weren’t designed to operate in overdrive. Our bodies and mind cannot handle it. And not to mention the damage you cause along the way. The people you push away and knock over the way to your goals/position. That’s exactly what I was doing. I was pushing people away and knocking over people and creating actual damage to get to where I wanted. For this I am sorry. For this I am repenting of. I was given an incredible thing, and I didn’t see it fully for what it was. So, God moved me out of it. It’s like the parable of the talents. God gave me a talent, and I wasn’t stewarding it appropriately. I was and have been so obsessed with the pursuit of “excellence” that I was blind to the damage I was doing. Like, honestly, excellence is so subjective anyways that it is not a realistic goal in the first place. What is excellent in my eyes, won’t be in yours, and won’t be in another's. The pursuit of excellence is like chasing after a unicorn. You will never achieve it, and you will always be running after it. Also, don’t read any of this as an excuse to just wing stuff and not give your all. Not at all what I am saying, and I still believe that we should always present the best offering we can before the Lord. But because Jesus lived perfectly, He died, and He rose again for us. And in doing so He purchased our perfection. And God the Father, though aware of the sin that infects everything we do, sees us as perfectly righteous in Christ. So, I don’t have to chase it. I don’t have to live in overdrive. Sometimes, most times, maybe all times, He just wants our humble offering. “What does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8.
So now I know. Now I know why God asked me to give up my dreams. To give up so many things that I loved. He needed to get my attention, in the only manner that apparently, I would listen. I am so stubborn. Ain’t God good?
